Incoherent Thoughts

My Peeps

Why do I love thee? Heck if I know. But... I think that I shall never meet A bunch of peeps as gay as thee You peeps make me laugh so hard when you jest About eating, baking, pee-pees, and breasts These peeps keep me company throughout the day They've heard me sing, moan, and pray They don't care about my fugly hair And easily adjust to my wit and dare They comfort me when I'm in pain I laugh at them and they hate rain I guess I'll always be stuck with you guys, oh gee But I thank God, good bye, I gotta pee

I wish I could write better

I like technical writing because it is devoid of emotion. When I take emotions/feelings out of my writing, thoughts flow better. It's when my emotions come in that I'm all over the place. I wish I could write about things that aren't technical, aren't task-based, and be good at it. I wish I could write better.

Favorite Movie

I kept waiting for the July 2 prompt but still not up yet. Or maybe I'm blind. My favorite movie is and always has been Coming to America. It's an Eddie Murphy, Arsenio Hall, and James Earl Jones starrer. It's hilarious and crass and just really really funny. I first saw this when I was a teenager and wasn't allowed to curse in Tagalog. We did get free reign on cursing in English hahaha and we picked up a lot of 'nice words' from this movie that my siblings and I used an awful damn lot. One of my favorite lines has to be: The royal penis is clean, your highness. :D

Letter to my ex-boyfriend

Writing in Tagalog because I don't have the patience to think in English. Hello, M. Alamo ba na hanggang ngayon I'm still hoping na magkakabalikan tayo? Ang gaga ko no? Hindi ko alam bakit I'm hoping when I know na baka itakin lang kita pag magkasama tayo. Nung first time tayo nag-meet super okay ka. Kaso sa tuwing mag-drive around tayo, parati kang nagmomonologue ng kinaiinisan mo sa ibang drivers. As in ratatatatat ka ng ratatatatat. Nakakaimbyerna. Ilang beses ko na ngang gustong sabihin na, "Hoy gago bakit ba feeling mo ang galing galing mong mag-maneho? Kung ayaw mo ng may kasabay, bumili ka ng kalye mo!" Hindi ko kasi magets bakit inis na inis ka eh hindi naman ganun kagrabe mag-drive yung mga kasabay natin. Sa akin okay naman sila. Kung ako nga yung nagdadrive sa kabilang kotse at alam ko kung ano yung sinasabi mo, malamang binaril kita. Nakakabwisit eh. Reklamo ng reklamo sa driving skills ng ibang drivers akala mo naman kung sinong professional driver. Saka para namang mangyayari na mawawalan ka ng kasabay sa kalye no?! Gaya ng sabi ko, unless bumili ka ng sarili mong kalye forever ka ng magrereklamo dong. Atsaka dapat mas mayaman ka pa sa mayaman para makabili ka ng sarili mong daanan kasi kailangan bilhin mo lahat ng daanan para sure kang may daanan ka! (whoa, daming beses kong sinabi ang daanan hahaha!) Pero besides yung nakakainis mong attitude pag nagdadrive ka, okay ka naman nun. Ay teka meron ka pa palang isang weird na attitude. Yung pagiging uberly sensitive mo sa ingay. Grabe ka chong. Daig mo pa ata ang Diyos sa pagiging bionic ng tenga mo. As in kahit super hina ng bass o ano bang tunog yang naririnig mo, naririnig mo talaga at grabe kang ma-agitate. Bwisit. Ilang beses ko ring pinapangarap na pukulin yang ulo mo ng bato para maging unconscious ka. Kasi naman sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos, di ka matahimik pag may naririnig kang 'ingay'. As in. Hindi ka mapirmi sa upuan tapos yung bibig mo daig pa ang armalite sa kaka-dakdak. Bwisit talaga. Okay so yan besides those two, okay ka naman. Saka sweet ka nga nun eh. Kaso pag hindi ka na sweet, hay grabe, ang sama sama mo. Bakit feeling mo ang bait bait mo sa akin? Hindi kaya no. Feeling mo lang yon, excuse me. Atsaka hindi porke't hindi ako daldal ng daldal eh ibig sabihin boring ako. Pwede naman kasi tayong tumambay sa bahay at manood lang ng tv show ng magkatabi. Nang hindi dumadaldal. And that's perfectly okay. Pero ewan ko ba sa iyo at bakit ineequate mo ang pagiging compatible sa kadaldalan. Ewan. May tililing ka ata eh. I'm sure meron kang tililing kasi meron din ako. Akala ko nga nung nag-away tayo ng grabe (eto yung break na tayo ha pero nag-uusap pa rin tayo kasi glutton ako for punishment. as in pinaka-baliw na babae sa buong mundo kasi kinakausap pa rin kita) hindi mo na talaga ako kakausapin. And I actually thought that was a good thing kasi kung ikaw mismo yung di kakausap ibig sabihin di talaga kita makakausap. Gets? Kasi for as long as kinakausap mo ako, kakausapin kita. Diba ikaw naman parati nag-initiate ng conversation? Hindi naman ako e. So nung time na di tayo nag-usap for more than 2 months, okay lang. Hindi naman ako naloka. Pero I found myself thinking kung kumusta ka na. Kung okay ka lang ba. Kung may friend ka bang nakakausap pag umandar nanaman yang pagka-engot mo. Yung ganun. So naisip ko siguro I still care for you. Kasi bakit naman kita iisipin at bakit naman ako mag-aalala sa iyo kung hindi ako nagke-care no!  Pero alamo nung di tayo nag-uusap, hay grabe, ang saya ko rin kasi di mo na ko kinukulit about the things that bother you. Lalo na yung mga physical stuff na parati mong iniinda. Nakakarindi na kasi yung mga hinaing mo about your spasms at kung ano ano pang physical deformities na sabi mo meron ka. Una super puti mo at yung mga scars mo from pimples hindi gaanong halata unless may dalang magnifying lens yung mga kasama mo at parati nilang chinecheck up yang face mo. Masyado kang OA alamo. Pero nakikinig ka ba pag sinasabi kong di naman halata? Hindi! Feeling mo kasi lahat ng tao pag tumitingin sa yo ang nakikita eh isang malaking buwan na puro crater. Eh hindi ka naman ganun. I swear may sayad ka talaga. Pero nagkecare pa rin ako sa iyo.  Ewan. Anong magagawa ko eh may sayad din ako.  Good luck naman sa akin. Yun lang naman so far ang nahihirapan akong i-handle sa iyo. Yung pag sobra kang nadedepress dyan sa mga physical problems mo. Ewan ko ba sa iyo bakit mo pinoproblema yan. Buti sana kung pangit ka, eh hindi naman. Ewan ko ba, bakit ba hanggang ngayon naghohope pa rin ako? Gusto ko ng maka-move on at magkaron ng hopefully lasting relationship with someone else no. Yung matalino at hindi lang daing ng daing about imagined physical problems. Nakakapagod na rin kasi. Pero thank you rin for being a friend. Hindi to nagegets ng friends ko pero friend kita. Kasi naiintindihan mo ako dun sa mga binabanggit ko sa iyong mga bagay na nagwoworry ako. Kahit papano may napagsasabihan ako so feeling ko di ako nag-iisa. Ang labo ng letter ko no? Pero ito yung mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin sa iyo kaso hindi ko masabi. Kasi naman wala kang kasing-sensitive. Talo mo pa ang pagka-sensitive ng balat ko. Mapagsabihan ka lang feeling mo ipinapako na kita sa krus. Kaya yan di ko masabi ito sa iyo. Ang alam ko lang hangga't gusto mo akong kausap, kakausapin kita. Wag ka lang magkukwento about a new girl kasi talagang makakarinig ka sa akin. Syempre masakit pa rin kung makakarinig ako na nagdedate ka no. Kung sa iyo ok lang na sabihin kong nagdedate ako, pwes, sa akin hindi. Ayokong malaman na may dinedate ka. Kaya wag kang magkakamali ulit na magkwento. At pwede ba, huwag mo kong hingan ng advice kung ano ang gagawin mo sa dinedate mo kasi hindi kita tutulungan dahil naiinis nga ako at nagseselos! Hanggang dito muna, inc0herent

Letter to my parents

Dear Mama and Papa, I know I haven't been the greatest of kids. I've been a sakit ng ulo since I was born. I had lots of really shameful moments in my childhood that you've had to live through. If I could I would go back in time and not done them. Kaya lang I can't. You probably don't know this but I am trying to make up for all the heartache, headache, and shame that I made you go through. I just hope that I can before you, well, you know. I feel scared thinking about that because I cannot imagine life without you. I know I keep saying things that make you think I don't need you. But the truth is I do. Who else would I call to ask how to gut fish? What ingredient goes in what dish? Who would I ask if I had doubts about a professional undertaking? Who would tell me things are okay even when they're not? I still need you and would probably keep needing you. Even if I don't say or show it. I just really really hope that I would see through one of my goals to repay you or at least make you feel that you did right by me. I know you think you do, but it would be nice if I could show it, too, right? I feel like an idiot for wishing when I was younger that you weren't my parents. Now that I know better, I know that God gave us each other because we fit. We may not be as close as other families, but I know now that I wouldn't trade ours. Love, Ping

Letters

I might do this here instead of Tumblr. Write A Letter To These People:

• your best friend
• your crush
• your parents
• your sibling (or closest relative)
• your dreams
• a stranger
• your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
• your favorite internet friend
• someone you wish you could meet
• someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
• a deceased person you wish you could talk to
• the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
• someone you wish could forgive you
• someone you’ve drifted away from
• the person you miss the most
• someone that’s not in your state/country
• someone from your childhood
• the person that you wish you could be
• someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
• the one that broke your heart the hardest
• someone you judged by their first impression
• someone you want to give a second chance to
• the last person you kissed
• the person that gave you your favorite memory
• the person you know that is going through the worst of times
• the last person you made a pinky promise to
• the friendliest person you knew for only one day
• someone that changed your life
• the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
• your reflection in the mirror